sober

sparkly vagina isn’t always a good thing

I’ve been sober for one day. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I know one thing for sure, I blame my uncomfortable vagina on me being sober.

I shall explain.

I just did my nails. They are quite lovely if I do say so myself, they are some gel, sticky lace pattern that are from a box but give your nails a make-over. Anyways, enough of the advertising, cough, Sally Hanson, these are different from the ones I got before. These have an extra step to give it the “gel look,” on top of the self-adhesive design.

I thought the top coat was dry. It seemed dry and this being the first time using it, I assumed once it feels dry then it’s okay to use my fingers, cough.

With out further explanation, my lower region feels like it is on fire and is very uncomfortable.

I couldn’t resist, I honestly had to and I know this has to do with me being completely sober! Because if I had some alcohol in me, I would have really thought about this or had sex with someone. Simple logic.

As this was happening I have my cats running around playing with the damn Christmas tree because balls entertain everyone. I have to quiet them down before the nazis wake up and demand quiet. They stare at me and continue to run and be big annoying pussies.

I finally make it to the bathroom and wash what I think is the top gel coat from my nails off the outer and inner realms of the “pedals of my flower.” It looks very festive though and  I was very tempted to put a Christmas stocking on, snap a picture and put this on a card. I think everyone would’ve appreciated a vagina in season. Luckily, and with a sigh of relief, the burning stopped, and a lesson was learned.

Make sure your nails are completely dry!!!

Besides this, I would be the only one to analyze the glitter off my vagina. What has my days become when I chase my cats playing with balls and have a burning vagina because I put gel polish on it?

Oh, Jane. You need to get laid.

Has anyone else had their lower regions in a similar situation?

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6 thoughts on “sparkly vagina isn’t always a good thing

  1. lifestrickery says:

    Never had the glitter gel nail polish on there, but I have had something on my hands that made it down that way that burned like a mother fucker. I wish I could remember so I could be sure to avoid that in the future.

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