Pinch my fruit, please?

Someone told me that oddly enough that the Wal-Mart near my house is becoming a “pick up scene.” See, I’m not sure how I feel when a whole community comes together and agrees that Wal-Mart is now the place to spit game, it’s those damn 24 hr ones.

So, I went to Wal-Mart today.

I needed cat food and over dressed for the one item. I think I went at the wrong time, I assume the late hour rush is when it becomes more lively. There should be a memo left somewhere in the bathroom to let people know when is a good time to come out.  None the less I still casually prowled while I pushed my cart with a single bag of cat food in it. If that doesn’t scream out, “alone with cats” then maybe my outfit of “desperate and horny” over powers it. I’m ashamed to have even been looking, out of all the places, I don’t do this. I’ve never really done this, I’ve always just had people there at my disposal. Pfft, leave for a year and this is what happens. The food though seemed at it’s naughtiest when I picked it up and thought of perverted scenarios. I was pinching a variety of fruit, measuring bananas, and tossing salads, all while setting my radar on cruise control.

Beep, beep, beep. Found one!

There he was. At the self check out station a hop, jump, and skip away from my produce. Self checkout, yes please. He was tanned and there was no sun, still he glowed from afar.

I gradually pushed my cart around checking the scene like a cat ready to pounce. All other self-checkout lanes were full and I didn’t want to go through the 200 lanes to find a cashier so I casually rolled up behind him. Not looking at him, just through the side of my eyes, until I see him make contact. I ignore, because this is how I operate. I need a starter. Still, “not looking” I push my cart into his accidentally and make the eye contact. My big anime eyes catches his warm brown eyes and an apologetic smile is exchanged. Small talk leads to flirting, leads to both of us walking out together. Names exchanged along with numbers. He’s by my car and I rush him and steal a passionate kiss setting the tone for what I want when we meet again.

Sounds hot right?

Yeah, this didn’t happen, only in my head.

The truth is I did push my cart behind his and was ready to pounce until a horrible reoccurring pain emerged from my side. I did bump carts with him and half awkwardly smiled through pain and lost interest.

See, after the depression and the endless amount of cookies and alcoholic beverages, I decided to start working out again. I run daily but really wanted more definition, at least a nice stomach, so  I worked out. Yesterday was my first time on this ab contraption and I’m more than sure that I bruised a rib. I got stuck on the machine and thought the pain would go away with a good nights rest. Wrong. With a slight movement of giggles or pressure, the sharpest pain emerges and I produce a face of someone who has really bad gas.

This was the look the young man must have seen. I really didn’t care by this point. He left but still smiled, more of concern then interest,  and I held my side in pain cursing Gold’s Gym.

As I was walking out it seemed like I would’ve had another chance, being that I parked not that far from him and we maintained eye contact as he loaded the bags. I coughed out a smile until I attempted to lift the 15 lb bag of kibble into the car. My abs clenched and my rib stabbed my whole body. Ugh, how do people work out seriously?

It wouldn’t have worked out between us anyways, he was loading diapers into the trunk.

Hope your day was better than mine.

any odd places where you’ve picked up a person?



One thought on “Pinch my fruit, please?

  1. soselfindulgent says:

    Diapers! Perfect!

    I successfully picked up two guys at Wal-Mart back in college. I highly recommend Wal-Mart as a place to meet men! Plus, you know they’re frugal. 🙂

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