Word Vomit

Faking the big O for Robert De Niro…it rhymed

I like to honestly believe that all humans are liars. Don’t get offended mates, I know certain white lies can be overlooked such as keeping secrets for little Timmy’s birthday party, but then we all have those lies that only our cats know. Sadly, my cats know too much about myself and in my attempt of looking back on my lies there is one that I believe is the most common lie, especially among women.

Faking an orgasm.

Age and occupation come in second.

Now, for the record it is more work to make a female have an orgasm, not that I’ve tried it on another woman, Cosmo just told me. I have had many great sexual encounters and I also have faked a lot in my time.

I think due to this, every woman could become an actress. If you can pull this off, oh honey, you can fake your way to Hollywood!

Thinking back I’m trying to understand why I had to fake.

1) the obvious: it didn’t get me off.

Which could actually be broken down into sub-reasons.

1a) male went before you did= blue balls. So you just wanted to get it over with and leave. (I didn’t call back).

1b) or it just sucked. (I called back to tell you I faked. Not good at telling guys this in person).

Now, if it sucked why fake it right?

2) didn’t want to hurt feelings because you actually care for the person.

See, underneath the lying ways there’s little hearts in the vaginas.

I know with my ex in the beginning I couldn’t have any during intercourse. Now, it wasn’t bad, it was great. There’s more when you care about the person, you feel more than an orgasm, and because I didn’t want to bruise his ego, I faked.

Of course as we got closer and knew each other’s body, I started to let him know when I didn’t reach the big O and suddenly it became a top-secret government issued project; G.I. Jane-O. Again, It’s always appreciated when your partner asks if your on the verge of one. He is the type of guy that cannot unload unless he makes his partner go first. Which leads to the next reason.

3) you want him to go already so you can relax because you are tired.

yeah…I know. This is true though. There was one time where I really wanted to get into my mob movies and just needed a quickie. Ok, this isn’t the best excuse, but I really love Goodfellas. I wish I was in a mob…

I digress.

Now, in my head I can never tell this guy that I faked. When I learn to hate him, maybe.

I’m just a little curious if any guys have faked, if possible.

Or what if you get caught during a great performance? Do you freeze,play dumb, turn it around and insist that you had one?

Oddly enough, this thought came up because I’m watching Goodfellas as I type. I believe subconsciously my orgasms are linked to Robert De Niro, or my lack of one.

have you ever faked? ;]  winky face


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