sad lesbian rants

Getting dumped by your cat on Valentine’s Day = All time low

One of my cat’s has left me for another female cat. Obviously the time we had filled with unconditional love and picnics meant nothing to the fat man.

Sadly, this is expected,  this female cat will put out on the first date.

The skinny man, my other cat, is asleep on my arms and lap as I type. He uses me for food and this is an understanding I have accepted. My sister and her fiance have come home early. They have this nauseating cheer as they enter the room. They mutter to themselves and my sister throws me a half eaten tube of M&M’s mini’s out of pity, I assume, like I’m excited for candy. Or like I am depressed and this is their good deed for the day. Pfft…

So I’m half way finished with my M&M’s wondering when will my fat cat come home.  I’m tired due to lack of sleep and my new job. I now have man hands and 2 band-aids. One was for work the other was because I continue to dance in the shower while shaving because I assured myself by positive thinking that maybe I would get lucky tonight. The razor cut was an obvious sign.

My phone doesn’t ring while my 52-year-old mother has a million of people wishing her a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” I try to say that’s nice, and smile, while she purposely stares at my phone. Yup, that’s my phone. Mental note: Teach cats to text.

I give her a look and she laughs. My monotone face must be so amusing. Even my brother has the small wonderful feelings of a first crush. I just have feelings of being crushed…O.k. that is a lie. I really don’t feel anything right now…no this isn’t a deep confession, I’m drinking and my feet are cold. I can’t feel my toe.

And here I am…

…hitting a low getting ready to enter the group featuring fat girls eating v-day candy alone, and skinny awkward girls who write poetry. There’s a Hallmark card for this. It’s right in between “get well” and the “he turned you gay, we saw this coming, don’t use him as an excuse” cards. They all have pictures of cat’s on them by the way.

Happy Valentine’s day to all, and happy Thirsty Thursdays to the people who are reading this with their cats, dogs, birds, turtles, imaginary friend, or killing time in a hotel waiting for one’s mistress.


6 thoughts on “Getting dumped by your cat on Valentine’s Day = All time low

  1. M. Elie says:

    I have to confess I’m not much of a cat lover, but I hope your little fat man comes back to you (how could you blame him for trying get a little?). And Happy Valentines Day. I hope you do end up getting lucky tonight. 🙂

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