Blogging, Optimistic Drunk

The Secret: Spite

Believing for things, working hard, dreams. What kind of motivation is this? It won’t take you any where.

Sure, make your list of your goals and believe that it will come true. Believe in positive energy that gets you no where. Or, start believing in that little voice that momentarily rests on that one shoulder that is lower than the other one, listen to your inner spite.


It makes you do amazing things!

I may have mentioned this before but I need to share the secret of life once more.

You start to eat certain foods out of spite, such as Twinkies, or fish, and may not enjoy it at first, but oh does the after taste of spite go down well. You may do this out of anger at first, but it’s really spite. You eat whatever the other person likes and voila, there isn’t anymore of their yummy food. Then you laugh, but don’t laugh while chewing, I don’t fancy people choking.

You may also want to starve yourself after you ate out of spite because of a former fat frienemy  who is now thin, and you can’t see her if she looks better than you.  You also will start dressing well to make up for this low self-esteem on the inside to justify your looks on the outside, because this is what matters. This also follows spending lots of money that you don’t have and going into debt a little early. Along with giving your cats generic food to shut them up while you’re out spending money on clothes, to look good, to spite people you don’t like but need to see them at a gathering, and in result, look good out of pure spite. You also hug them out of spite and talk about them later, but I may generally be speaking on behalf of my fellow humans with vaginas.

Your waistband increases and decreases which leave stretch marks to remind you why you invoked spite on someone in the first place. Sometimes you may want to name each stretch mark of each person who caused you to act out of spite, but this is purely optional.

In the end, you may be struggling to pay rent but look amazing in those heels which you know they’re talking about you, but pretend you don’t care as you do the catwalk in front of them.

Anything you want, stop believing in it right now, because if you don’t believe in anything in spite, you will not accomplish it.

Spite: The best thing to come out of a public school system.

P.S. I am getting pretty buzzed, it’s been a while since I drank. Please do not listen to anything I said. Like that previous statement, listen to everything I said! (actually wrote)



One thought on “The Secret: Spite

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