Happy New Year’s!
I know I’m late but I finally feel better.
I was of course sick with the dreaded stomach flu on New Year’s Eve, day, and the day after because someone upstairs thought this shit would be hilarious.
To start off my day I was in such a good mood. You know when you wake up loving life and you can actually hear the sun shining? Yes, it was a great day.
I ran, I gave blood, I did “me.” All the typical self-improvement crap that we tell ourselves we are going to do, I accomplished that day.
To celebrate this wonderful act I decided to buy my brother and myself some In-N- Out.
Number two, onions, extra spread and a chocolate shake.
Yes. It’s even more mouth-watering in person.
Well, I inhaled that tasty morsel up and continued on with my day.
Spent some time with my mother catching up and laughing at Gilligan’s Island.
Right after they finished singing “Gilligan’s Isle,” I felt this wave of unsettling bubbles in the pit of my stomach. My throat was clenching and my eyes busted open.
This was going to happen. I was going to vomit.
I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I made eye contact with the toilet, a projectile rush of vomit spewed out. There was my hamburger. There were the fries. The impact was so powerful the splash hit my face and hair and made me want to vomit again in disgust.
I thought everything was out. I felt better. After I cleaned up this feeling came over me again.
Every hour on the hour I puked. My total was about 7 or 8 times, all time high.
I ended up on the bathroom floor on my knees crying.
“God, please. Please, just make it stop.”
Over and over again.
“I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna.”
I was ready to change religions to whatever God would remove this pain.
The dry heaves came. There was no more to come out.
Then…it started from the other side.
There I was, sitting down in agony releasing anything else in my system while holding a bucket spitting out, what seemed like, my soul at this point.
It finally stopped and for the next two days I couldn’t hold any food. I still can’t drive by In-N-Out without gagging.
The only thing that made me feel better was knowing that two rooms down my mom was puking her brains out, 25 miles away my sister was throwing up all her sushi, and her co-worker had a case of the bad shits.
This was my New Year’s.
I started the new year absolutely clean from the inside, and now I can fit into my floral jeans.
This is all my younger brother’s fault by the way for getting this sickness from the grubby kids he goes to school with.
Public school sucks.