I wrote a couple of lines and it wasn’t what was inside. I figured maybe I should explain what happened this time. Maybe I need a disclaimer before I undoubtedly spill my heart and my mind on these keys. I figured I’ll do that tomorrow.
With so much love in this world, why did I love you? With so little time that you had, why did you agree on loving me? I don’t need a philosophical good-bye. I don’t want your speech. Spare me how I will appreciate this later, and do away with how good of a person you are. Don’t remind me that this was for us…this was for you.
It will pass. Everything always does. The echo of my mom in my head.
I can be bitter and throw back how selfish and insensitive it was to throw me away at my hour of need. I can curse your name. I can cry all night…again.
And I will, because I am human. I’m not afraid of my feelings, and contradictory to your belief, this is how I handle them, and I do it well.
There’s nothing wrong with me. I am not damaged. I do not need to be needed. I do not need to be validated for my growth. I am a wonderful being, and you will never take that away.
I will be wanted.
One day by you, then I won’t want you.
And one day by another, who never see me in a dim light.
As much as I try to understand, some words can never be forgotten.
I will handle my illness on my own. I’m sorry I reached out to you for comfort. Actions really do speak louder than words, ironically you would always tell me.
And as I cried, fear of what the doctors would say…you walked away.
I will not wish harm. I will not wish this on you either, because I am stronger than you…I can take this.
It will pass, everything always does.
So have my expectations of you.
But never of I.